The astrological signs tell us everything we need to know about ourselves. Understanding your sign can provide council in times of hardship, allow for insights into relationships, and most importantly, tell you which of a group of things you are. You may already know which Timothée Chalamet outfit the celestial bodies of the universe have prescribed you to be, or which Simpsons meme coincides with your crush’s birth date, but before you lies the answer to the greatest question of all: What beloved celebrity bird of PSU is my sign?
Aries: Little Cow Pigeon
Aries are first and foremost bold and passionate, so the bold coloration of Little Cow Pigeon with its passionate online following make the beautiful bird a natural fit for those with an Aries alignment.
Taurus: Little Cow Pigeon
An earth sign that desires serenity and stability, Taurus individuals can clearly relate to Little Cow Pigeon’s consistently small living area around the tranquil PSU park blocks and earth-toned bricks of PSU urban center.
Gemini: Little Cow Pigeon
Gemini are symbolized by an image of twins and representative of the duality of the yin and the yang. They can see both sides of the issue but also be wishy-washy or two-faced. What is better representative of these dual qualities than the interweaving of black and white on Little Cow Pigeon’s beautiful set of feathers?
Cancer: Little Cow Pigeon
A sense of home and supportiveness permeates Cancers, who are better at loving unconditionally than any other sign. And what bird does PSU love unconditionally more than Little Cow Pigeon! LCP is a single star in the dark night of our collegiate lives, guiding us home. We don’t deserve our lovely bird.
Leo: Little Cow Pigeon
An astrology website told me that Leos often have a large group of friends that adore them. No PSU-based bird has a larger group of adoring friends than Little Cow Pigeon!
Virgo: Little Cow Pigeon
The symbol of Virgo is a virgin. Has anyone seen Little Cow Pigeon having sex with another pigeon? Case closed.
Libra: Little Cow Pigeon
Libras strive to find balance, harmony, and justice in the world. They must be sorely disappointed. The governing bodies of the world refuse to take significant action on climate change. Hate and bigotry continue to prevail. Health care and basic necessities of life continue to be inaccessible to millions upon millions while the wealthy get wealthier. Where is the balance or justice in that?
Scorpio: Little Cow Pigeon
Sorry if that got kinda intense there. I’ve been going through a lot lately. Scorpios are Little Cow Pigeon.
Sagittarius: Little Cow Pigeon
People born as a Sagittarius are the ambitious philosophers of the world. But they may often be irresponsible and blindly optimistic, two terms which may also be descriptive of myself when I pitched this astrology article to my editor and confidently asserted that there was “certainly far more than twelve different celebrity birds at PSU” and I would have “no problem” identifying a unique one for each astrological sign.
Capricorn: Oswalt the One-Eyed Owl
Oh so just because you haven’t heard of this one means that I made it up to keep things interesting this late in the article, huh? Do you have definitive proof that Oswalt the One-Eyed Owl doesn’t live tucked away in some corner of PSU’s campus, where he is left offerings by a small but passionate secret society of students who adore him? You don’t believe me? What a pessimistic and cynical response. Typical capricorn.
Aquarius: Little Cow Pigeon
Aquarius is the last air sign of the zodiac, and no member of the PSU community commands the air with more poise and beauty than our beloved Little Cow Pigeon.
Pisces: Little Cow Pigeon
Dreamers at heart, Pisces have fantastical and romantic inner lives. Maybe Little Cow Pigeon is a Pisces. Maybe it has always dreamed of being more than a pigeon. Being an idea that provides meaning and guidance to the lives of others. Being an astrology article. Maybe you and me, dear reader, made its little dreams come true today. And maybe that means you’re okay that I shoehorned Little Cow Pigeon into fitting into nearly every astrological sign????
Featured illustration by Alison White.